could you break my fall
by cyclothimic
Summary: It had been a total of two days since she had stopped hearing Lena's heartbeat. Two days too many, in her opinion. l or Kara realizes Lex is out and she keeps trying to hear Lena's heartbeat, and fails.


**my take on how it'll go in the next episode - _even though we all know the writers are home of hobos and they can fuck themselves, _but i can dream. this is my dream. stop hurting lena 2k19.**

**let's just pretend alex did not forget that kara's supergirl because _what the fuck _that's just unacceptable also _in this house we trust jess the secretary and only jess the secretary mISS TESSMACHER HOW DARE YOU_**

**now read, ponder, and enjoy!**

* * *

_Tell me: is this where I give it all up?_

_For you, I have to risk it all;_

'_Cause the writing's on the wall_

_-Sam Smith, Writing's on the Wall_

* * *

Exactly thirty-three minutes after Lena had left the hospital and James was alive and well and Kara could take a breath, she heard it. Or, well, she stopped hearing it – the distinctive heartbeat that had gotten Kara through many ordeals and countless bouts of near depression. She didn't know when she had started doing it, categorizing Lena on the same level as Alex's and _always _keeping her ear out for those two heartbeats to ensure her own peace of mind.

But she started doing it anyway, smiling at the _thumps_ that echoed in her eardrums every night she went to sleep, equipped with the knowledge that the two most important women in her life were safe. And now she couldn't. Only one heartbeat rang in her ears and the other had just faded out halfway through another beat.

Kara had just stood up from catching up with Kelly, prepared to sweep into her suit and fly to wherever she had heard the heartbeat last, when her phone alerted her of her cousin calling. No greeting whatsoever was offered after she'd picked up. She didn't even want to ask how Clark managed to reach her all the way over on Argo, not when she heard what he had to say.

"Lex Luthor's out."

She didn't allow her cousin to say another word, choosing to hang up and throw Alex and Sam a panicked look. Then she didn't allow _them _to even have a chance to ask before she was rushing out of the hospital and sweeping into the sky with her clothes fluttering down behind her, catching a glimpse of Lena's name at the top of the building.

Down on the ground, anyone with a view of the open air could see a blurry red and blue figure tearing through the clouds, disintegrating warped shapes, followed by a distinct pop that made any mortal ear rang for a second or two. Said figure did not care for it, her mind focused on one thing and one thing only – to find the lost heartbeat.

Kara was a few hundred miles away from the supposed coordinates of the Luthor Manor when the chopper came into view. She came to sudden stop, barely holding herself back from hurtling herself into the vehicle when her enhanced vision caught sight of who were inside the chopper.

"Supergirl, nice to finally meet you."

That smirk on his face was not that unfamiliar – she had seen enough photos and heard enough descriptions from her cousin to know that Lex Luthor always had that smirk on his face, because he always knew something or other, ten steps ahead and prepared to rain hell in the face of any roadblock.

In an instance, she didn't like it; she didn't like _him_.

She didn't like that she could see the Luthor resemblance on him – the calculating eyes and the smirk with a hint of teeth that she so loved when seen on Lena. She didn't like that this man had been the only one to show Lena love and also the one who tore it all away from her. She certainly like that this man was _out _here and she had no idea how or why. She _definitely_ did not like that she _still _couldn't hear Lena's heartbeat to quell the pounding of her own.

More than anything, things like potstickers and a whole Krypton and a full explanation from her parents about the things they had done in the name of her people, Kara wanted to tear into the chopper, drag Lex out, and ask him just where on_ Earth _his sister was – or if she was even _on _Earth. Except, despite not truly knowing the man herself, she understood that he must have set things in place, mechanisms and traps, that would certainly defeat her if she did anything to him now.

So, instead of doing what she wanted, which were violent and irrational, she simply stared at him gravely and offered an acknowledging nod. She didn't say anything, because he couldn't hear her and it wouldn't mean anything anyway.

That nod had to be enough for now. That nod was symbolic. That nod meant that it didn't matter how smart or devious he was, she would rip him apart just so she could reach his sister. She would rip the whole world apart if it meant finding Lena and hearing that heartbeat.

* * *

Free from guilt, pride personified, glorious and charismatic, Lex Luthor did not even seem to care that he was currently a fugitive, did not even seem to care that the whole world was looking for him, did not even seem to care that he had a sister who had loved him with all the love she could give when he was still somewhat sane.

He stood at the top of the building beholding a logo that her sister had done everything in her power to change for the better. The L-Corp logo was supposed to be legacy that belonged to Lena Luthor, untainted by the two maniacal members who had made her life living hell. It was _supposed _to be, until Lex decided to taint it with his ideology and evilness.

Kara wanted so much to just blow a strong gust of wind in his direction, enough to nudge him off the edge and send him plummeting to a permanent death. The last time the superheroine had felt such an urge to _kill_ someone without remorse had been when Rick Malverne kidnapped Alex and tried to drown her in a tank.

Only two reasons she had not killed Lex yet was because she knew he was the only one who would know where Lena was and also because Lena would always see her in a different light. Kara would know – her own sister had killed her aunt and they had a pretty hard time coming back from that.

It had been a total of two days since she had stopped hearing Lena's heartbeat. Two days too many, in her opinion.

Kara had snapped at Alex for not being able to find out anything despite her status as the Director of the DEO. She had gotten herself involved in a rather violent fight with her cousin that had left permanent marks on the roof of CatCo because he kept advising her to stay calm and just hold on. She still hadn't hugged Winn and chastise him for staying away for so long.

Before Lex Luthor's prison break, there was a routine that Kara did every night to wind down from the day, to remind her that there were still important things in the world for her to continue on, to offer her a respite from certain difficulties that had occurred to her either as Kara the reporter or Supergirl the superheroine. She would fly a route from CatCo rooftop to outside Alex's apartment, giving herself five minutes to just listen to Alex do her thing inside, and then from there, she would fly to wherever Lena was – the hotel she refused to check out of or her office – and then linger outside for another five minutes.

It was a comforting routine. It was a calming routine. It was a _routine _that Kara had promised to do after having realized that these two women's lives were threatened too often, and she just needed some form of reassurance on a daily basis to be able to go to sleep and wake up in the morning for yet another day.

And now she couldn't even do that.

Because of this man who was so _obviously _taunting them – and he had a right to, because apparently, there was _another _Kara out there; a communist Kara, a cold Kara, a Kara hellbent on destroying the original Kryptonians with pure Kryptonian blood running in their veins.

"I _will_ return to humanity what it deserves – its own territory uninvaded and untarnished by these monsters," Lex Luthor declared with a sadistic grin on his face, making direct eye contact with the camera hovering from the chopper that CatCo had sent. "And I will begin with those who think themselves gods, who idealize themselves as saviors of this Earth, who give themselves capes and pat themselves on the back for _not _asking permission before infiltrating our midst. I will begin with Superman and Supergirl."

He did not speak about the biggest elephant in the city: the clone hovering next to him with a cold glare and an indifferent posture. Obviously, clone-Kara would know where they all were – she had similar, if not exactly the same, abilities as the other Kryptonians gathered in Kara's apartment; she could easily hear them. She just wasn't utilizing them for some reason.

Perhaps he didn't need to speak it. They had deduced that clone-Kara was just a pawn in his long game. If he ever succeeded in his plans to rip the world apart with his ideology, clone-Kara would be the first to go. Maybe she even knew it and was willing to go along with it.

They didn't exactly know _why_. But this wasn't the time to understand her thought processes.

They still hadn't found Lena.

"There are three of us," Sam said, having made a trip back from Metropolis after Alex had called her out of desperation.

"We don't know what she's capable of," Alex charged in, a tablet seeming glued to her hands since Lena's disappearance. Amidst all of these, Kara found a small sense of peace, menial but still there, at her sister's growing trust in the CEO.

"It's simple mathematics. There are three of us. There is one of her."

"_We don't know what she's capable of_," Alex reiterated, glaring at Sam now. "This is not a financial or accounting problem that you can just solve by punching numbers into a calculator. This is a clone created from the Harun-El and when the most experienced Kryptonian in this room doesn't know what that clone is capable, then _we _don't know what that clone is capable of."

The hint of resentment in Alex's eyes and the sliver of hurt on Sam's face indicated that this was just a bout of anger that had been brewing for awhile on Alex's part. The tension in this room was taut, especially between her sister and the former Worldkiller. And on any other day, Kara would _love _to delve into that – she loved getting all up in her sister's business – but this was definitely not the day.

"Then what do you suggest we do, huh?" Sam snapped, raising her brows and pursing her lips challengingly at the redhead. "_You _called me – I assume it's so we can fight…whoever _that _is!" Sam gestured blindly out the window, but just like Kara and Clark, she could clearly see the two figures still occupying the top of the L-Corp building. "And now you're telling me we're stuck here?"

"I called you because Lena's your _best _friend and she's missing. I figured you'd want to be here for this. Or was I wrong to assume that?" That tone again, acidic and unkind – Alex was not holding punches in expressing whatever grudge she was holding against Sam today.

"Exactly! She's my best friend. So the sooner we find her, the better."

"Not at the cost of your life!" Alex rebuked, hurriedly adding, "Not at the cost of Kara's life. And Clark's life."

"Sam's right," Kara interjected, if only to bring an end to the argument and to find Lena as soon as possible. "There are three of us and one of her. Our chances are better." She made sure to meet her sister's eyes and implored, "I need to do this. We need to do this. Please."

"Kara, you're not thinking clearly."

"I can't think clearly!" she shouted, shooting up to her feet and jabbing at her temple with a finger. "Yeah, up here? There's nothing except for Lena and Lena and Lena! Every fucking second and minute and hour, it's Lena. Lena, and that shithead up there –" she swung her arm behind her to point at the L-Corp building "– who definitely has her." Her breaths were coming in and out in heavy pants. The rest of the room were staring at her with wide eyes, startled by her explosion and language. She released a low groan, buried her face in her hands, and shook her head. "I can't sit here and do nothing anymore."

For a few long minutes, Kara breathed into her hand, creating humidity and stifling herself – and yet it was the best she had felt in two days. She only lifted her head when a pair of hands landed on her shoulders gingerly – Sam and Clark were standing in front of her, determined, while Alex stood between them, a step behind them.

"Let's go," Sam and Clark said.

Alex nodded in approval, resigned but also confident. "Go and save our genius girl."

* * *

Clark had his chance years ago; today, it was her turn.

Gripping tattered Armani suit jacket, she lifted Lex and slam him down onto the concrete for good measure. She wanted him to suffer her wrath. She wanted him to understand just how important his sister was to a whole host of people. She wanted him to know how protective Supergirl was over his sister. Most importantly, she wanted him to _live _with the idea of exactly how _much_ Supergirl cared about his sister.

Of course, Lena, being the genius that she was, would find ways to show her brother how unbefitting she was to the Luthor. But Lena wasn't here – Kara was, and this was, in her opinion, the best way to show him exactly how much distance there was between Lena and the last name she had to live with because of _him_.

And then without even caring that it probably wouldn't do his physique any good, she abandoned her fellow Kryptonians – including her clone whom had taken more than half of all their energies combined to take down – and _hauled _him into the air to toss him into the DEO chasm, not forgetting to snatch his watch before doing so. She made sure to shoot Haley a disdainful stare.

"You're welcome," she sneered.

Then she followed her sister's instructions to the Luthor manor. She hovered over the thin air for awhile, straining her ears to locate the heartbeat and failing. Then only did she find the switch on the watch to deactivate the cloaking mechanism.

And in only a few seconds, a disbelieving gasp escaped her as the manor revealed itself in bits and pieces before her. She had to retreat a few yards to allow space for the magnificence of it all – majestic, elegant, symmetrical, and all _Luthor_. Even outside, Kara had to fight a shiver at the sight of it. It was no wonder that Lena had chosen to hide it from them all.

It was the return of a heavy thump – though fainter than usual and definitely _slower _– that snapped her out of her disgusted awe of the building. She sped into the manor and ignored the coldness of the decorations, the lack of personality, the creepy portrait of Lillian Luthor, and everything that had haunted Lena since she entered this place. There was no time in looking at those things; absolutely no time at all, if slow thumps that she was listening to was any indication.

All Kara had to do was follow the heartbeat, and she discovered the CEO lying on the floor in a room that looked a lot like a study, a pool of blood that was _drying _spreading on the floor by her abdomen.

The heartbeat only grew louder in its slowness, simultaneously taunting Kara and pushing her to hurry.

She rushed forward and tried to be as gentle as possible in lifting Lena up in her arms, choking on her own tears once she saw just how pale Lena had become. The only consolation in this scenario was the persisting beat underneath the woman's chest, and Kara wasn't even sure how long it would kept up.

Because as strong as Lena was, there wasn't a lot of people who could survive a prolonged shot to the stomach from a self-defense mechanism installed by Lena's paranoid older brother years ago when he was on his way to madness. Especially not when the ammunition was equipped with synthetic Kryptonite.

"Just hold on, Lena," Kara whispered as she broke the sound barrier to get to the hospital that housed James as fast as possible. "I have so many things to tell you. You just have to hold on."

* * *

As it turned out, there were still remnants of the refined Harun-El that Lena had stored away without the knowledge of Eve and Lex. In fact, the only person who had any knowledge of it was Jess, Lena's former secretary whom she had promoted to lead a specialized team to assist the refugees coming into the country – both aliens and humans.

Therefore, when news of Lena's critical situation had spread out, Jess was the first one to show up at the hospital with said remaining refined Harun-El, entrusting Alex to break the law to save the CEO's life. Alex hadn't hesitated at all, becoming the second person in as many days to barge into an operating theatre and kicking everyone out so as to avoid having any one of them from becoming an accessory.

Lena had stabilized, but the poison in her bloodstream would take time to disperse, and it would put her in a lot of pain if she was awake for it, so Alex had placed her in an induced coma.

In the end, it was thanks to Lena's paranoia and tendency to be overprepared that she survived. She pretty much saved herself. And Kara had to chuckle at that, despite the worry still wringing her heart, because Lena had been saving herself since the beginning of times. It was something that both made Kara proud and broke Kara's heart.

Because Lena _shouldn't _have to.

As the only doctor in their midst, given that they had taken control of taking care of Lena and this hospital was only serving as a housing unit, Alex only allowed for one visitor at a time.

Which was how Kara found herself kicked out and urged to take a shower and get some coffee, while Sam took her place. Kara very much wanted to stay in that room, but she also realized that she stank from hours of combat and sweat and not taking a break at all in her search for Lena.

Alex sat beside her in the waiting room once Kara had returned from a speedy shower and replenished herself with two jugs of coffee and five boxes of donuts from Noonan's. The redhead reached out to lace their fingers together on her lap, tracing the bone of her thumb rhythmically and comfortingly.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked gently.

The blonde stared at the door that led to the room where one of the two most important women in her life was sleeping in. Breathing and alive but _unconscious_. She wondered if it would be too much to ask Alex to take Lena out of the coma, even just for a second, so she could see those green eyes herself.

"What's going on with you and Sam?"

If Alex noticed her deliberate evasion of the subject, she didn't say anything. Instead, she sucked in a sharp breath and looked at the door as well. When no answer was given, Kara knew that her sister wouldn't say anything.

"I almost lost Lena." Kara closed her eyes and tightened her grip on Alex's hand. "Sam is here, Alex. You missed out on her once."

The rest of it didn't need to be said. Alex was a smart person.

"But how are you feeling?" the redhead asked again.

Behind closed eyelids, Kara could see very clearly the sight of Lena lying in a pool of her own blood, pale and breathless. The adrenaline was still rushing through her at the moment that she couldn't fully grasp exactly how traumatizing that sight had been. All she wanted was to save Lena as soon as possible and not miss out on any window.

But now, she had showered and she had eaten. Clark and Lois were napping at her apartment because she couldn't stay there. Winn was catching up with James in his room. Ruby had been put up in Alex's apartment with J'onn making sure that she didn't sneak out to the hospital. Instead of the lack of heartbeat and the rush of her own blood, Kara listened to the cacophonous beeps of the heaps of machines in this building, saw the movements of staff and visitors and patients across floors and over walls, and felt the humming of this building in the dead of the night under her feet.

"What if I fall asleep and I wake up and this is all just a hopeful dream?" she whispered.

Alex wrapped an arm around Kara's shoulder and placed a long kiss on Kara's temple before urging to lie down across the bench with her head on her sister's lap. Then Alex did the one thing she did best, which was combing out Kara's hair with gentle fingers and massaging her scalp.

"Don't worry, Kara. This is all very real. Just go to sleep. It's all okay now."

Of course, not everything was okay. But Kara listened, and she closed her eyes to two heartbeats instead of one. At least she could resume finding reassurance in the resume of that routine.

* * *

"Supergirl."

Kara shot upright from her position of half lying down with her head on top of Lena's hand that was also clasped tightly in both of hers. She looked to the woman lying in the hospital bed, eyes struggling to flutter open but still catching Kara, a small but guilty smile stretching her lips. The blonde allowed the hand she was holding on to fall, watching as Lena's fingers lost their direction for a few seconds before finding their way to Kara's cheeks.

Unable to help herself, she released a low whimper and lean into the touch; the fingers spread unnervingly gentle warmth over her skin, laying ground in her blood vessels, enhancing the red of her blood underneath, slithering swiftly into the maintenance of her functions. She opened her eyes again when Lena heaved a chuckle too low for human ears.

"_Kara_."

Kara's heart stuttered, but she remained as calm as possible. "Hi." _Thump-thump._

The hazy film in Lena's irises prevented Kara from saying anything too drastic, waiting on Lena to give her a hint as to how to proceed.

Lena hummed and continued stroking Kara's skin. "You took me flying." _Thump-thump._

Kara blinked, slowly and uncertainly. She kept quiet.

"I tried to…" Lena paused and licked her lips, a mild frown marring her forehead, "…keep Lex away from you. He had – he had Kryptonite." _Thump-thump._

"He didn't hurt me."

He didn't. Clone-Kara did, but that was all well and good – it was worth it. Alex was still trying to wrangle her under a sunlamp, but Kara could do that later, now that she knew Lena was as okay as she could be.

A pause, another hum, and the frown was gone. Good. "He didn't," Lena whispered with another smile. "Hey, Supergirl?" When Kara didn't say anything, Lena tried again, "Kara?" _Thump-thump_.

She could panic later. She could pace later. She could wring her hair out later. She could wonder what the hell and how the hell and why the hell later. All those could wait. Right now, Lena was high as a kite and she obviously _knew _and she seemed to have forgotten that she was supposed to be pissed off. Right now, Lena was asking for _her_.

"Yeah?"

"Can we go to Ireland? Just you and me? No planes or whatever." Lena's eyes started to close. "I just – just the two of us…that's all I want."

Before Kara could properly respond, Lena went back to sleep, her fingers still unrelentingly tender on Kara's face.

Kara could have easily woken the woman up again and summoned her sister inside to check her out. But as she gazed upon Lena's sleeping face, the pain and frown from before had disappeared. This time, Lena was actually sleeping, peaceful and undisturbed – Kara had never seen the woman so childlike before, so wrought with innocence and unperturbed by the struggles of life.

Obviously, a lot of questions remained unanswered, the first one being _how long Lena had known_.

It could get worse from now on, but Kara would take on any kind of animosity and was willing to bear the weight of whichever path of redemption she had to take to regain Lena's full trust. She was willing to do all that, just as long as she could still go everyday listening to that heartbeat.

For now, Kara retook the hand on her cheek and landed a kiss on soft knuckles before cuddling it under her cheek as she lowered herself back down onto the edge of the bed, letting Lena to keep resting.

The woman had just found the cure to cancer after all, and then had to endure the betrayal of a trusted assistant and a second bout of heartbreak from the brother she couldn't stop loving. Out of everyone in the whole wide world, no one deserved this rest more than Lena Luthor.

As Kara closed her eyes and shut out all the noises from outside the room that streamed in with the morning, she focused her hearing on the rhythm that had alerted her to Lena's disappearance and then led to the recovery of Lena. And from the slats for the curtains over the window, dawn broke, streaming in the kind of sunlight that didn't come often, but when it came, it filled the Kryptonian with a rarely found hope.

Everything else – everyone else – could wait. Ireland would always be there.

* * *

**yes, i did that on purpose. bite me. also, i'm so bad at fight scenes that i don't wanna bother anymore, so do forgive me for the lack of action between original kryptonians and commie!kara lololol **


End file.
